A (Not So) Fairy Tale

Once upon a time in a land far, far away (that just happened to identically resemble Missouri), there lived a beautiful queen named Mindy. While beautiful and smart, though very modest, Mindy was cursed with a terrible (yet hilarious) affliction. The beautiful queen was accident-prone. So accident-prone was Mindy that all of the people throughout the far, far away land referred to her as the Queen of Klutz.

The Queen of Klutz was not always accident-prone. In her infancy, Queen Mindy seemed just like any other child. Sure, she fell down quite often or would spill things, but she did so at the same rate of all other children her age. Unfortunately, unlike the other children, Queen Mindy did not stop falling down or spilling things as the others did when they became accustomed to the world. In fact, she began falling down and spilling things with greater frequency.

But Queen Mindy did more than fall down or spill things. She fell up too. Mindy also fell in holes, broke things, and ran into obstacles, both real and imagined. She ran into doorways, tripped over thin air. She hurt herself with such great frequency that her most uttered word was “Ow!”

Queen Mindy’s injuries came with such a great frequency that her parents considered opening a hospital in the eastern wing of their castle. Merchants began stocking up on bandages, aspirin, and other medical wares that Mindy would prove great use of. That was until Queen Mindy had a slight setback.

Queen Mindy went into the royal physician’s office for a flu shot. Everything seemed fine until she later removed the bandage covering the spot where she had been jabbed. Queen Mindy found herself looking at the perfect shape of a band aid on her arm. Confused, she looked first at the band aid in her hand, then again at her arm. She reached out a curious finger, feeling the raised, slightly bumpy skin – it was hives! A set of hives in the perfect shape of the band aid Queen Mindy now realized she was allergic to. But how was she to dress her many and varied wounds? Thank thy Lord for hypoallergenic band aids!

As she grew, Queen Mindy learned other things about herself. For instance, Queen Mindy soon came to realize that she was so incredibly accident-prone that, even when trying to prove that she was not so bad, she inevitably proved herself wrong and her friends right.

She learned this, of course, the hard way. After swearing to a group of others that she could indeed walk and chew gum, Queen Mindy promptly fell out of the carriage in which she had been sitting, much to her friends’ delight and her own chagrin.

Queen Mindy did come to embrace her title, relishing it in fact. When she fell, she would laugh. When she accidentally ruined the top tier of her sister’s wedding cake, she realized that accidents happen. When she slid down a flight of stairs, throwing her undergarments all about as several men looked on, she realized that it could have been worse (somehow). When she had a cat crawl up her face, she knew that it would make a great story to tell later.

Besides, it made Queen Mindy a heck of a lot more interesting than that Sleeping Beauty chick.