Can I just complain for a minute that being sick sucks?
Actually, it’s not that bad. I’m not a bad patient. It’s hard to be a bad patient when all you do is snooze away the day. I sleep, medicate myself, sleep some more, medicate myself some more, maybe try to watch a DVD, sleep, sleep, sleep.
I’m also lucky (sort of) in that I’m not sick in the cold or flu sense. I have a pretty annoying case of tonsillitis (I hope – the last time I was convinced I had tonsillitis I actually had been infecting my office with strep), caused by sinus drama. It hurts to talk, and when I do, I sound like a grizzled chain-smoking alcoholic. Swallowing feels like my diet consists of razor blades. My neck and shoulder muscles ache, and I want to fall over from exhaustion, because you don’t sleep too well unless you’re heavily medicated. All this because some doctor, back when I was five, didn’t think my tonsils were bad enough to have them removed. That is laughable, because now you pretty much just sneeze and they remove your tonsils.
The biggest problem with being sick in any fashion is that it’s so incredibly inconvenient. Sickness should revolve around my schedule, not vice-versa. Really, my time is precious enough as it is. Why would I want to lose some of it to being stuck in bed being bored all day? Wouldn’t it be great if you could arrange when you got sick?
Imagine it: (cue flittery dream sequence music)
Tonsillitis: “Hi there Mindy, this is Tonsillitis. I was just calling to see if you and I could arrange a little time together.”
Mindy: “Well, if I must. What does your schedule look like?”
Tonsillitis: “Well, I’m pretty clear for the most part. How does Monday look?”
Mindy: “Well, I have a lot of important meetings at work. Plus, I have class on Mondays. I’m graduating in May, so I really shouldn’t miss class. Tuesday maybe?”
T0nsillitis: “No, not unless you’re free in the morning. I’ve got to stop by your sister’s house.”
Mindy: “Nope, that wouldn’t work. What else do you have?”
Tonsillitis: “Wednesday I’m having my hair done. Thursday?”
Mindy: “Nope, that’s trivia night. I should really play with a clear head.”
Tonsillitis: “Friday?”
Mindy: “Oh, sorry. I’m off to Ohio this weekend to see Joey. You wouldn’t want to make a girl sick the weekend she sees her boyfriend, would you? Especially when she only gets to see him once every three weeks?”
Tonsillitis: “You’re right. I couldn’t do that to you. You deserve a special weekend. What about the first week of February?”
Mindy: *thinks* “Not good. Work is still pretty hectic….And before you ask, Super Bowl Sunday’s no good either. I’ve got to work. Hmm…how does summer look?”
Tonsillitis: “You sure you want to get sick when it’s so nice out?”
Mindy: “Oh, you’re right. Can you predict the weather? What about some time when we get like 5 feet of snow? I wouldn’t go to work or school, so I wouldn’t miss out. Plus, I’d probably want to camp out in bed anyway due to sheer boredom.”
Tonsillitis: “Deal. I’ll be in touch.”
*sigh* That would be sweet.
Mindy Kinnaman 