Teddy Roosevelt – Mindy Kinnaman

While 2012 started out on the sucktacular side, it ended up pretty spiffilicious. Seriously, I went from being horribly depressed to having wacky dating adventures, finishing a novel, meeting HBJ (the hottest guy I know!) and just having some darn good fun in the process. In all, I’d count the year as a success just based on those things alone, but as I like to reflect upon the previous year’s hilarity, I figured I’d give you a look at what all I learned over the past 12 months. So sit back, relax, loosen your belt and prepare to laugh.

I am more than a bit obsessed with Funko dolls, amassing a collection that includes Freddie Krueger, Michael Meyers, Jason Vorhees, Leatherface, Beetlejuice, Sally, Jack Skellington, the Mayor, Edward Scissorhands, two Captain Americas and Edna Mode. They are amazingtastic.
My cat has now taken to guarding my pajamas from ebil.
Battlestar Galactica is the bomb-diggity, yo.
Krampus is as Krampus does.
Apple’s “will fit your ears” earbuds do not fit my ears.
Batman has satisfied me.
I heart Tarder Sauce, aka Grumpy Cat.
Ermagerd, Gersberms.
Adam Scott is still hot.
Nic Cage is the greatest actor in the history of ever.
Adding cherry vanilla flavoring to NyQuil only means it tastes like cherry vanilla-flavored devil juice.
You can actually have hot chocolate that does not taste like hot chocolate.
Even at the age of 33, it is still possible for me to fall out of bed.
Chocolate soda is nowhere near as awesome as it sounds.
I have a crush on Neil Degrasse Tyson.
It’s Obama’s fault that I miss Suzie and no longer live in Texas.
If Oprah described War Horse: YOU get a death scene! And YOU get a death scene! YOU get a death scene! EVERYBODY GETS DEATH SCENES!!!
Little baby people don’t have sideburns. They have to grow them when they’re older. But if your little baby already has sideburns, that’s awesome. Don’t be concerned.
Also, two beavers are better than one. They’re twice the fun. Ask anyone.
It’s good to be a geek.
My new apartment is haunted by a polite ghost who writes hello in the mirror, knocks on the door and folds socks.
I English good.
The idea of playing defense in softball is to catch the ball with your glove. Not with your mouth. Not with your bare hand.
Just because you’re 33 doesn’t mean you can’t have a Captain America-themed birthday party.
Teddy Roosevelt is a BAMF.
While lemon in your Coke is delicious, drinking Coke right after eating a lemon granola bar leaves you feeling as though you drank dish soap.
You can burn your eye with shrimp if your Japanese steakhouse chef has bad aim.
Rainbows taste like bacon.
I can blame Spiderman for all my problems.
I apparently dated a pirate.
Harry Potter Puppet Pals are even more amazing live.
All you need is love and a cat.
Zombie burgers are soooooooo good!
I cannot listen to the beginning of “Somebody that I Used to Know” without singing my ABCs.
The greatest meme in the history of memes is Thor learning to text.
Do not, under any circumstance, make Oprah angry.
I’m about as big of a Tommy Lee Jones fan as you can get, but there is not enough fandom in the world to get me to see a movie about him and Meryl Streep trying to have sex. Ever.
Squats are a tool of the devil.
Mrs. Captain America does have a nice ring to it.
I have witnessed with my own eyes that it is possible to eat a bowl of cereal while driving.
My dentist is the devil.
Ten years later, Suzie and I can still tear up the River Walk. And it’s still Cleavage Friday.
I can touch my nose!

Honestly, I learned so many awesome things. This is really just scratching the surface, but man was it fun. And so, I leave you now with what’s pushing me to learn some more awesome things in 2013. Enjoy!

No, not the kid who takes your lunch money or that diabolical girl next door who knows exactly who to make you cry. I’m talking that cry often said by one of the greatest men in U.S. history, Teddy BAMF Roosevelt.

If you’re one of my friends, or a member of my quiz bowl team, you know that I adore Teddy Roosevelt. I mention him quite often, though not as often as I may mention a certain Steve Rogers, aka Captain America. There’s even a photo of him currently hanging on the Wall of Awesome in my office. Teddy, I mean.

Because the man is seriously awesome.

So, what makes our 26th President a BAMF? I shall enlighten you and hopefully make you a convert to my Teddy Roosevelt Appreciation Society.

First off, if you aren’t sure who Teddy is, he’s a fifth cousin of another Roosevelt – Franklin D. Roosevelt, the longest serving President. But I’d argue that Teddy is the way more awesome cousin, though FDR was pretty darn cool himself, especially seeing how he got us out of the Great Depression and most of the way through World War II.

But I digress.

Teddy accomplished many awesome things in his life, and his achievements are legendary. Now, I’m not going to write you a biography. Instead, I hope to inspire you to run out and learn more. So here are my personal favorite reasons why he’s a BAMF (in no particular order):

At the age of seven, he and two cousins created the Roosevelt Museum of Natural History and he taught himself rudimentary taxidermy to preserve his specimens.
Speaking of history, he was considered to be a serious historian after publishing his first book The Naval War of 1812.
You know he was President, Vice-President and even Governor of New York. Did you know he was a deputy sheriff in the Dakota Territory, New York City Police Commissioner or Assistant Secretary of the Navy?
Youngest man to ever be President, assuming office after President William McKinley was assassinated. Take that JFK!
If you wanted to talk policy with President Roosevelt, you first had to fight him in Judo. That’s right. Fight him in Judo. Awesome.
He was considered an authority on American mammals, and he led scientific expeditions for animals in South America and Africa.
He was a big game hunter – yes, we all know this. But did you know he was a rancher in the Badlands of the Dakotas?
He wrote more than 35 books and on many occasions, would read a book a day. Along with Thomas Jefferson, Teddy is known as one of the most well-read presidents.
As President, he designated 150 National Forests, 51 Federal Bird Reservations, 5 National Parks, 18 National Monuments, 4 National Game Preserves and 21 Reclamation Projects.
Oh, and don’t forget getting the building of the Panama Canal rolling.
Won the Nobel Peace Prize (which only 2 other Presidents have won – Carter and Obama) for negotiating the end of the Russo-Japanese War.
He’s the reason we have meat inspections – thank you, baby Jesus!
Teddy was friends with F.O. Stanley, founder of the Stanley Hotel (you know, the haunted hotel that inspired Stephen King to write The Shining). When visiting Stanley in Estes Park, CO, Teddy would have a friend dress up as a bear to block the mountain pass and scare the guests.
His nickname was Teedie.
He hated the name Teddy, calling it “an outrageous impertinence.” Whoops!
Who was the first President to be seen riding in a car in public? That’s right!
And he is the reason why we have the White House Press Room.
He had a son named Kermit.
Yes, Virginia, teddy bears are named after Teedie.
He is one of the racing presidents during Washington Nationals home games, but he never wins the race.
Was an avid boxer until he was punched so hard it detached his retina and he went blind in one eye. And that happened while he was President; he just never told anyone.
He loved to skinny dip. In the Potomac River. In the winter.
His ghost is said to haunt the bar of the Menger Hotel in San Antonio, TX, where he recruited men to serve as Rough Riders.
He is the first and only President to have received the Medal of Honor, which had been denied to him until 2001, when he was posthumously awarded the honor by President Bill Clinton.

And perhaps the greatest fact of all time: Just before giving a speech, good ole Teddy was shot by a would-be assassin. After determining that his wound was not fatal because he wasn’t coughing up blood, Teddy gave that speech, talking for 90 minutes. His greeting to the crowd? “Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose.”

Oh, and he didn’t have the bullet removed.

Seriously. Does this sound like someone who was a sickly, asthmatic child? Does this sound like a man who was told to avoid strenuous activities to placate his heart problems? Nope, but he was, and the fact that he overcame his illnesses and lived an awesome life during a time when medical care was only starting to get serious shows that the man is a BAMF.

Many facts courtesy of http://www.theodoreroosevelt.com and theodoreroosevelt.org. Of course, many are just things I’ve learned after years of learning about my favorite President.

Tag: Teddy Roosevelt

Did I Learn Anything in 2012??

Bully!