Merry Christmas???

Belonging to many email newsletters it’s only natural to get Christmas shopping-themed solicitations. My personal favorite happened to be from my drugstore letting me know that I can save a nice chunk of holiday change when I spend so much online at their website.

Now, maybe it’s just me, but I find it a little bizarre to do my Christmas shopping at a drugstore. Seriously, what kind of gifts can one get for the family? I can just see it now.

*insert little dream sequence music here*

Christmas Day arrives, bringing with it my siblings and their families. As I sit, wrapped up in my nice warm pajamas, I watch my family begin to unwrap the presents that I purchased for them at the corner drugstore online.

My older brother Paul screams with delight as he pulls out a packet of throat lozenges to help clear up that smoker’s cough. Brandy marvels at her extra large carton of maxi pads. “Just what I needed!” she exclaims.

For Jamie, it’s a book of home remedies to help treat her hypochondria. Allen gets copies of the latest magazines to help keep him in touch with celebrity news.

My nieces receive a first aid kit piled high with cartoon-themed bandaids for their many “owies.” My nephews, being one and two years old, get the loudest, most annoying sound-playing greeting cards to while away the hours…and torture the ears and minds of anyone sitting within a mile of them.

Finally, Mom rips open the wrapping paper and finds a box of condoms. “Look,” Paul throws in, “they’re ribbed for your pleasure.”

Everyone would cheer at the thoughtful gifts I got them.

*insert ending dream sequence music*

Yeah, right. Something tells me that if I did that, I’d be flayed then have honey poured over me before being dropped outside for the neighborhood kitties to feast upon. I’ll stick with major department stores, thanks.

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