Belonging to many email newsletters it’s only natural to get Christmas shopping-themed solicitations. My personal favorite happened to be from my drugstore letting me know that I can save a nice chunk of holiday change when I spend so much online at their website.
Now, maybe it’s just me, but I find it a little bizarre to do my Christmas shopping at a drugstore. Seriously, what kind of gifts can one get for the family? I can just see it now.
*insert little dream sequence music here*
Christmas Day arrives, bringing with it my siblings and their families. As I sit, wrapped up in my nice warm pajamas, I watch my family begin to unwrap the presents that I purchased for them at the corner drugstore online.
My older brother Paul screams with delight as he pulls out a packet of throat lozenges to help clear up that smoker’s cough. Brandy marvels at her extra large carton of maxi pads. “Just what I needed!” she exclaims.
For Jamie, it’s a book of home remedies to help treat her hypochondria. Allen gets copies of the latest magazines to help keep him in touch with celebrity news.
My nieces receive a first aid kit piled high with cartoon-themed bandaids for their many “owies.” My nephews, being one and two years old, get the loudest, most annoying sound-playing greeting cards to while away the hours…and torture the ears and minds of anyone sitting within a mile of them.
Finally, Mom rips open the wrapping paper and finds a box of condoms. “Look,” Paul throws in, “they’re ribbed for your pleasure.”
Everyone would cheer at the thoughtful gifts I got them.
*insert ending dream sequence music*
Yeah, right. Something tells me that if I did that, I’d be flayed then have honey poured over me before being dropped outside for the neighborhood kitties to feast upon. I’ll stick with major department stores, thanks.
Mindy Kinnaman 